Redefining Success

Earlier this month, I turned 30 years old. Never before has an age had such an impact on me. Now that I'm a year older and a bit wiser, I spent some time reflecting on all that has happened in my life in the recent years and how much things have changed, as well as what my goals are for the future. Right now, I got it pretty good. I have a wonderful son and a loving husband. We enjoy spending time together as a family. We're healthy and happy, and we're getting by just fine. The one part I have struggled with is my success in my professional life. I have a stable job in my field of choice, but it's not exactly what I planned to be doing by the time I turned 30. I thought I would be higher up the ladder by this point and doing something I'm really passionate about, but my career goals evolved and took a backseat at times as I adapted to motherhood.

I had a discussion with a friend about success and he pointed out that success should not be defined by how much money you make, and he reminded me that I have a great kid that is super smart and well-adjusted, therefore my son should be the measure of my success. This made me wonder if maybe I needed to redefine my personal definition of success.

During my high school and college years, I never pictured myself as a wife and mom. I never had visions of my wedding day dancing in my head. I had dreams of being independently successful in whatever career path I chose. I felt that raising a family would stand in the way of my success. I looked up to women who were in the top of their field who didn't depend on a husband and didn't have to go home to cook and clean up after a family. I had a real negative view toward raising children, and even got voted "Most likely to never have children" in high school after going off in class about some mom bringing her baby to a band concert and letting it cry throughout the concert and disturbing everyone. Of course as I got older and especially after the birth of my son, my attitude toward being a mom changed and I love my son more than anything in the world.

So here I am at 30 feeling like I haven't achieved success. I have a full-time job and a family to take care of, but I feel I need to be doing something to further my profession and hustling to do whatever I'm really passionate about. I feel as though I've had to squeeze every second of free time I get to focus on advancing my career to the point I am exhausted and sacrificing time I could be spending with my family. I've been told by friends (who don't have a family of course) that I need better time management. On weekdays, my alarm goes off at 5:00 AM and it's non-stop from the time I get up till I'm drained at 9:00 PM and ready to go to bed. Little time is left after spending quality time with my husband and son, cooking and doing daily chores. The weekends are filled running errands and doing all the house cleaning and laundry that can't get done during the week. Even as I write this post, I feel like I'm making excuses, but where is the extra time and when is it ok to take a break and watch tv? How do you manage time when there's nothing routine about family life? Try as I might, I can't guarantee we eat dinner at a certain time, Cruz will get a bath every night, or he will go to bed at 9 o'clock on the dot. It's just not that simple.

I've seen tons of self-help books that claim that you can do what you love without giving up your day job, but these books are usually written by someone who doesn't have a family. Even is the author does have kids, the advice is written by a man who, in my opinion, doesn't have the same time constraints and commitments a working mother does, or the guidance comes from a stay-at-home mom which has no relevance to my situation because let's face it, working moms and stay-at-home moms are living in completely different worlds when it comes to time management.

I wonder, do I really have a problem with time management, or am I already focusing on what is most important, my family? If my priorities are to maintain a happy household, then shouldn't I define my success by my family's well-being and not by my professional career? Is this even the time for me to throwing in additional commitments and extra work, or should I just enjoy what I got right now?

I have a stable job as Photo Editor at the same company for almost 2 years. Sure I would like to be doing some more challenging and creative and getting more recognition for my hard work, but I have a good job that has a lot of benefits like being able to bring my son to work with me if school is closed. I spend too much time focusing on the negative aspects about my workplace when I should concentrate on the positive aspects and thank my lucky stars I even have a job in this economy.

Without a doubt, I value my family over my career. No amount of money could bring me more happiness then when we are together. After all, shouldn't success be defined by happiness? All I know is, coming home and hugging my son is my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.