Redefining Success

Earlier this month, I turned 30 years old. Never before has an age had such an impact on me. Now that I'm a year older and a bit wiser, I spent some time reflecting on all that has happened in my life in the recent years and how much things have changed, as well as what my goals are for the future. Right now, I got it pretty good. I have a wonderful son and a loving husband. We enjoy spending time together as a family. We're healthy and happy, and we're getting by just fine. The one part I have struggled with is my success in my professional life. I have a stable job in my field of choice, but it's not exactly what I planned to be doing by the time I turned 30. I thought I would be higher up the ladder by this point and doing something I'm really passionate about, but my career goals evolved and took a backseat at times as I adapted to motherhood.

I had a discussion with a friend about success and he pointed out that success should not be defined by how much money you make, and he reminded me that I have a great kid that is super smart and well-adjusted, therefore my son should be the measure of my success. This made me wonder if maybe I needed to redefine my personal definition of success.

During my high school and college years, I never pictured myself as a wife and mom. I never had visions of my wedding day dancing in my head. I had dreams of being independently successful in whatever career path I chose. I felt that raising a family would stand in the way of my success. I looked up to women who were in the top of their field who didn't depend on a husband and didn't have to go home to cook and clean up after a family. I had a real negative view toward raising children, and even got voted "Most likely to never have children" in high school after going off in class about some mom bringing her baby to a band concert and letting it cry throughout the concert and disturbing everyone. Of course as I got older and especially after the birth of my son, my attitude toward being a mom changed and I love my son more than anything in the world.

So here I am at 30 feeling like I haven't achieved success. I have a full-time job and a family to take care of, but I feel I need to be doing something to further my profession and hustling to do whatever I'm really passionate about. I feel as though I've had to squeeze every second of free time I get to focus on advancing my career to the point I am exhausted and sacrificing time I could be spending with my family. I've been told by friends (who don't have a family of course) that I need better time management. On weekdays, my alarm goes off at 5:00 AM and it's non-stop from the time I get up till I'm drained at 9:00 PM and ready to go to bed. Little time is left after spending quality time with my husband and son, cooking and doing daily chores. The weekends are filled running errands and doing all the house cleaning and laundry that can't get done during the week. Even as I write this post, I feel like I'm making excuses, but where is the extra time and when is it ok to take a break and watch tv? How do you manage time when there's nothing routine about family life? Try as I might, I can't guarantee we eat dinner at a certain time, Cruz will get a bath every night, or he will go to bed at 9 o'clock on the dot. It's just not that simple.

I've seen tons of self-help books that claim that you can do what you love without giving up your day job, but these books are usually written by someone who doesn't have a family. Even is the author does have kids, the advice is written by a man who, in my opinion, doesn't have the same time constraints and commitments a working mother does, or the guidance comes from a stay-at-home mom which has no relevance to my situation because let's face it, working moms and stay-at-home moms are living in completely different worlds when it comes to time management.

I wonder, do I really have a problem with time management, or am I already focusing on what is most important, my family? If my priorities are to maintain a happy household, then shouldn't I define my success by my family's well-being and not by my professional career? Is this even the time for me to throwing in additional commitments and extra work, or should I just enjoy what I got right now?

I have a stable job as Photo Editor at the same company for almost 2 years. Sure I would like to be doing some more challenging and creative and getting more recognition for my hard work, but I have a good job that has a lot of benefits like being able to bring my son to work with me if school is closed. I spend too much time focusing on the negative aspects about my workplace when I should concentrate on the positive aspects and thank my lucky stars I even have a job in this economy.

Without a doubt, I value my family over my career. No amount of money could bring me more happiness then when we are together. After all, shouldn't success be defined by happiness? All I know is, coming home and hugging my son is my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

My Little Boy Turns 4

We just celebrated Cruz's 4th birthday. I know it sounds cliche, but I can't believe how time flies. They really do grow up so fast.

This year we threw Cruz a real birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. I planned the party a month in advance, and every day Cruz would ask if it was his birthday yet. It was great to see him so excited and looking forward to his big day.

The party was so much fun! He had about 9 friends show up, and they played games and ate ice cream cake. The funniest part was when the guy in the giant mouse costume came out to sing "Happy Birthday," and Cruz made a mad dash out of the party area. Not that I blame him. I giant mouse is pretty scary.

I'm so looking forward to Cruz at 4 years old. It's such a great age. He can play more board games now. He got Candy Land for his birthday, and all three of us can enjoy a family game night. And of course Cruz always wins ;-)

4 Year Anniversary

My hubby and I just celebrated our 4 year anniversary. I am so happy that our relationship is still as strong as ever. We celebrated by getting an over night sitter for Cruz and going out to eat at Fogo de Chao. The meal was excellent. We had a nice, quiet table in the back and when dessert arrives, it had "Happy Anniversary" spelled out in icing around the plate. So romantic!

Then we enjoyed each other's company back at the house. Watched The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button which was such a great movie. It was long, but watching it in the comforts of home and on the couch made it very enjoyable. Then the rest of the night was full of romance, but I won't go into more details ;-)

Here's to 4 wonderful years together with my man and I'm looking forward to many more!

Mini Vacation

Cruz and I just got back from a mini vacation to Texas to visit with family. It was a great trip and I really wish we could have spent more time there. We flew in for my family's annual pool party. Cruz got to see all his second cousins that were close to his age and visit with my parents, grandparents and extended family.

The best part about the trip, for me anyway, was this was our first venture with no diapers. I was so proud of my little man for making the trip by plane and time spent in the car with no accidents. He was a little scared of the bathroom on the plane when we flew to Texas, but on the way home, he wasn't as scared and used the potty on the plane. He really is growing up.

Time For Vacation

Very excited to be visiting with my family in Texas over a long weekend. It's been a long time since Cruz has gotten to see his great-grandparents and grandparents. He's especially excited to see his Granny. We picked a great time to fly in for a visit because the annual pool party/family reunion is this weekend, and we will easily get to see a lot of my extended family as well. Cruz will have all his cousins to play with and we can jump into a nice cool pool to get away from the smoldering Texas heat.

Stop The Music

When I was younger, my greatest love was music and playing my flute. After high school, I turned down a music scholarship to experience the world. To this day, I have no regrets about no being a music major. I made so many wonderful memories throughout the years, befriended some extraordinary people, and discovered the inspiring world of digital art. However, I have always felt like a piece of me was missing, and the only thing that could fill that void was playing music.

With great excitement and anticipation, I made the decision to start playing the flute again. I ordered some sheet music books online & blew the dust off my polished silver instrument. How thrilled I was to be reunited with my first true love. That was until I started playing. My terrific three year old turned into a tiny terror and proceeded to throw a temper tantrum until I stopped playing and put my flute away. He was having none of it. This meant so much to me, and now I was heartbroken as I heard him cry and say he didn't want to hear mommy's music anymore.

Personally, I was surprised at my son's reaction to me playing the flute. I had assumed he would think it was neat and enjoy hearing the music. Sadly, things do not always go as planned and kids can be real turkeys sometimes. Despite that, I have not given up hope yet. Tomorrow is another day and maybe things will go better.

Cruz Wants A Sibling.

Cruz, who is 3 years old now, has got it in his head that he wants a little brother or sister. My husband and I have been giving it some thought, but we haven't made a final decision yet. It's a big decision. Cruz is just now finally out of diapers, so are we really ready to start over again with another child?

Cruz has no idea how having a baby in the house will change his current situation. He is the center of attention. He has to sit in between his mommy and daddy at all times. He even sleeps in the big bed with me every night. He has a pretty good thing going.

Last night as my husband and I were tucking Cruz into bed, I asked him where would his brother or sister sleep, and he responds, "In their own bed." My husband and I burst out in laughter. The kid just has has no idea how different things would be if another baby was on the way, but I'm sure he would make an amazing big brother.

The Next American Idol.

Yes, it is true you must watch what you say around kids because they will pick up anything. As a pre-schooler, Cruz is always listening and it doesn't take him very long to learn new words, phrases and songs.

Last week, I was playing Tap Tap Revenge 2 on my iPhone and was trying to beat my high score on the song "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3. I played it 3 times in a row and didn't think much of Cruz sitting next to me on the couch playing a game on his iPod Touch.

The next morning, Cruz comes up to me and starts singing:

Shush girl shut your lips,
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.
I said, Shush girl shut your lips,
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.
I said, Shush girl shut your lips,
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.

I couldn't believe these words were coming out of my baby's mouth, but I couldn't help but laugh about the whole thing. My husband looks at me and says, "You're not allowed to play that in front of him anymore." And he's probably right.

Now every time I play that song on Tap Tap Revenge 2 (when Cruz is not in the room), I can't help but giggle when that part of the song comes up. It was just too funny.

UPDATE: 7/1/09 I uploaded a video of Cruz singing "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3

Call me "Mother"

Today Cruz upgraded us from Mama and Dada to Mother and Father. It was a little strange to hear our 3 year old call us by those names. I had expected a gradual transition to Mommy then Mom and then maybe Mother, but I never expected it so happen so quickly. It was quite comical. I'm sure we will be Mama and Dada again by morning. My son never ceases to amaze me.

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I've noticed there are a lot of Valentine's Day haters out there. I, for one, am looking forward to tomorrow. I plan to cook a pork shoulder roast that will take all day to cook, and have a romantic dinner with my hubby. I love any excuse to cook a special meal and learn a new recipe.

My mom sent some chocolate covered strawberries, and I will buy a bottle champagne and share them with my husband after dinner. And, my son made the cutest little heart-shaped card at school today. When I picked him up, he ran to me, handed me the card, and yelled, "Happy Valentine's Day!" It made Valentine's Day even more special.

I'm also going to enjoy having a full weekend off. The extra money is nice, but working over time is really exhausting. It's so hard to get everything done with only one full day off every week.

I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day and spending a full weekend with my hubby and son. Hope you all have a fantastic Valentine's Day too! :-)

Pre-School

When Cruz was 6 months old, I filled out an application for him to go to a pre-school over by our house. Now that he is almost 3 and a half years old, the pre-school finally called to say he could get in.

So many things have changed over the past couple of years. I'm no longer a stay-at-home mom, and I'm working full-time instead. Also, the pre-school is a co-op which means, the parents have to work at the school so many hours a month. Also, Cruz is in daycare. The daycare teaches almost everything they teach in pre-school, and the daycare own says Cruz already knows everything up to the first grade.

I discussed Cruz going to pre-school with the daycare and was told it really was unnecessary and probably more trouble than it's worth considering our work schedules. I was also told that all the kids at that daycare go straight into kindergarten.

So, I guess Cruz won't be going to pre-school after all this time on the waiting list.

Happy New Year!

My first blog post of 2009. Happy New Year!

We had a great holiday! Cruz, Josh and I really enjoyed Christmas. We stayed home this year instead of traveling which allowed us more time to relax. I cooked an excellent Christmas dinner with prime rib, sweet & spicy green beans, and basil & chive mashed potatoes. Josh said it was the best meal I ever cooked. I would have to agree. I love to cook and the holiday was a great excuse to really go all out and cook something special.

So now that we have crossed over to 2009, I am really looking forward to another great year. Next week, I will be traveling to San Francisco for Macworld Expo. This will be my first and maybe last Macworld since Apple will no longer be a part of it. I'm really looking forward to this trip. Going to Macworld is something I have always wanted to do since the day I bought my first Mac.

Also, this will be my first overnight trip without Cruz. He has had his mommy there every day since he's been born, so I hope he will not be too upset when I'm going for a couple of days. It will also be an adjustment for my husband, but I know he will manage to get by without me for this short trip. I'm also very fortunate to have such a supportive family encouraging me to go to Macworld. I am very loved!